Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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