btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
