I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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