I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i've created a new STD.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
