Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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