i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
