Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need to calm my uterus...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
