1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
