our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
