fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
