do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Farmville is her only friend.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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