I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
