i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want nice things and good sex
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
