tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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