I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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