Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
