my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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