glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
