Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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