I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
