Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
