I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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