it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
