grandma shit on top of the toilet
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
