I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
