how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
