i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We have so much sex to catch up on
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
