you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
