Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
