I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am available for nakedness
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