You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
