she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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