I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
