Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
