He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
