don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Im part way to drunk.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
