More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
