I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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