so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
