i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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