so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
