I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
