I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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