If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
