I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
