so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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