i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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