Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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