Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
