hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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