What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
another moral hangover. fuck.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
