I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
