Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
