i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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