Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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